Monday, December 14, 2009

There are many things in this world that we don't understand...

"There are many things in this world that we don't understand"...that's the inspiration for this blog post.

When I fetched 'Y' from the Airport that night, we talked a lot of things on the way to her house. She told me that her ex boyfriend sent her off to the Airport and he cried non-stop like a baby from the minute they stepped out from the house all the way to the Airport. Sometimes we both {'Y' and myself} don't understand why the guy would let her go. If he let her go...then what's the point of crying? If he still loves her, he shouldn't have let her go...right?

I thought that was the day that he's been longing for...the day when she was gone, so he could re-gain his freedom and heal from the break up by bringing other women to his house to satisfy his adultery fantasy. I meant...he's the one who initiated the break-up, not wasn't he supposed to be happy and relieved instead of crying?

She never planned a day like this, she thought she would live happily ever after just like a love story that we always dream about. She did ask him: "If you do love me, why you let me go?". And the guy said: "because my head and my heart do not work the same". I was like whatt the hell"! This is one thing that I don't understand. {So men out there...since you guys are the same species, please enlighten us}

Sometimes I am like wondering...what's really the cause of their break up? their ailing relationship is irreconcilable that because he's playing the field with several other women or is that because of he's being so sensitive and she's being so defensive and their way of thinkings do not synchronize? This has been a puzzle to me, or even to 'Y'.

She needs some sort of security, she always think that security is one essential item in life and she treasures every penny of her money. But, her ex thinks that security is just an illusion. So, this is just one example why I said their way of thinkings do not synchronize. Before they were together, her ex used to live from one paycheck to another paycheck, but since they were boyfriend and girlfriend and lived together....she was the one who helped him to control his financing. She taught him how to save and budget his expenses.
This guy likes to feel wanted...he likes people to praise him and he likes to get a lot of attentions from her. However, I know 'Y' is not that sort of person who can be that expressive. Don't get the wrong signal here, it doesn't mean 'Y' does not care about him. She cares.

Even though they broke up, he still let her stay in his place...he still cared about her. He even bought her a ticket back to Jakarta. In short, he still did usual things that he usually did when they were still in good terms. I meant..why should he care right? Usually when man and woman break up, they will go on their own path and will never be bothered with each other again. But her ex is different, he still did a lot of things for her prior to leaving Shanghai. He's really confusing her, wasn't he? So, this is another thing that I also don't understand.

In spite of our confusion, we both believe that:
1. The man who wants to make the relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. Don't be flattered if he misses you. He is still the same person who just broke up with you. The only reason he can miss you is because he is choosing, everyday, not to be with you.

2. Here is what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they will not break up with you.

3. Don't try to please them after the break up to try to win his heart back, because if he hasn't figured out during the time you were together that you were the woman who could make his life feel like in heaven on earth, then anything good you do for him after the break up will be just in vain. It will only make you seem like a fool.

4. The guy who broke up with you will not call and say: Do you want to have dinner with me? Do you want to go to movie with me? I love you, or I miss you over and over again. If they do say those things, those are not the sign they want you back in their life. Because if they do want you back, the phone call will sound like this: Let's try again, let's make this work.

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1 comment:

  1. Hi Ika. would like to share some comments/thoughts.

    On the questions why he is crying instead of be happy/relieved:
    We can’t be sure whether he is really sad or not because we don’t know his condition after Y is gone. Crying may be the best tool to gain Y’s sympathy. He may be just trying NOT to burn the bridges(relationship) until the very last minute. If he looks happy and relieved while sending Y off to the airport, Would Y ever think to go back to his arm someday? I bet a big NO. He doesn’t want Y to forget him completely since I notice that he likes to get the attention and be pursued/cared, although he may not love Y anymore.

    On the questions why should he care,although they have broken up:
    I would do the same. Although the relationship doesnt work, I would respect the good times that we ever had together and treat her well until she’s completely gone or away or independent (knowing that we are in foreign land). Imagine this, a bit extreme case tho, If I have quarrel with my gf in a car, then suddenly break up, I can’t just drop her in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere. There is a social ethics / accountability. She was once your very Best Friend that used to love you and you loved anyway.

    *written in sleepy mode, so pardon me if i say sth wrong.
    oh ya, disclaimer : the comment definitely does not represent the entire guy species ^^